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04.09.2005 | 9:35 a.m. stress stress stress my god i have been sooooo stressed today. It seemed like if it wasn't one thing than it was another. i am so glad that jaryl has been so supportive. you know how exercise helps stress. when i could barely complete my 3 miles. i was that stressed. so what am i so stressed about? well, there is the work. there is taking new referrals. there is dealing with the poster and trip to OR. there is the colposcopy. okay, that is the real issue here. i am starting to "spot" [i know, to much information]. that is very abnormal for me. so, of course, my mind is thinking "what the hell is going in there!" "it must be super bad in there and this is a sign of cancer." i am afraid that i had to wait so long for this test. this all started with an abnormal pap that i got back on Valentine's day. i had to do the whole intake with my new PCP and then set up an appointment. i had reschedule for April 22nd, due to "timeing." it was so much easier to put out of my mind before these symptoms started. i know that this sounds bad, but i hope that it is cancer because i know that that is treatable. anything else, i afraid of the "let's do more tests to try and figure out what is causing these abnormal cells", which would equate to more waiting. God, i don't want this to be the kind of blog that is just complaining. i think that it would be helpful for me to document the highlights as well. right now all that is good is being overshadowed by all this ugliness. and know know what is the most fucked up thing about it? my number one concern is if people think i have gained weight. you'd think that i would be more concerned with the presentation. i am stressed about my worked new client information system blah! greats, lets give me more referral and have me relearn everything and have my stress triplefold. okay, and i have that stupid colposcopy that i am terrified of. i don't want to shower today. i don't have the energy. the sun is out and i am not skinny enought to allow myself to enjoy it. *claws under a rock*
Last Five: empty, force, hope, too much - 07.31.2005 hello heartache, hello faith, hello confusion - 07.5.2005 LITANY AGAINST FEAR - 07.12.2005 healing, wonderful, the worse thing ever - 06.20.2005 translated weight - 06.02.2005 before | after |