04.03.2005 | 10:38 a.m.
muscle, weight, fat, waiting, needing

I feel too fat for words

I have been taking opportunities where JV is at work to avoid eating. I really want to go back to my very thin days. I was so much happier and still very productive. With that said, I think I could handle the mood swings.

I have gained weight but my measurements are the same, if not smaller. But, the less fat and more muscle is making me feel huge. I want to weight less. I don’t want to me this much muscle. How about less fat AND less weight. God, I want my cake and eat it to. No, wait! No cake! Diet Dr. Pepper or water. Correction, I want my Diet Pepper and drink it too.

I am finding myself holdout out to eat since my last weight way in. Before, I would try and eat when he was gone so that I could eek by with some energy, but he would always end up making something for us to eat. Bah!

So, I am avoiding eating until he is around. And even then, try and restrict.

I am so stressed and the last thing I need is this poor body image and weight bringing me down. It truly is getting in the way of me getting things done. I need to loss weight to be less stress and therefore happier. Right?

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Last Five:
empty, force, hope, too much - 07.31.2005
hello heartache, hello faith, hello confusion - 07.5.2005
LITANY AGAINST FEAR - 07.12.2005
healing, wonderful, the worse thing ever - 06.20.2005
translated weight - 06.02.2005