03.04.2005 | 11:24 a.m.
Timeline, tested +, med bills, waiting game, TBC

Update: Monday 2/28: It had been 2 weeks. No call back Tuesday3/1: No Call back Wednesday3/2: Bad news, positive for ASC-H. Atypitcal Squamous Cells. They found abnormal changes in the size, shape and number of cells that have formed on my cervix. The Squamous Cells are thin flat cells that form at a person's cervix. The pathpologist thought taht a small number of the cells in my pap smear looked SEVERELY abnormal. This severe change is called high-grade, thus the H in ASC. This test is costing me $55. They recommended that althought just a minority of the cells looked severly abnormal, a more toough diagnostic procedure called colposcopy ($800) is necessary. I am not sure what else from there? I don't know if that means that I have an HVP strand or cancer or precancerous cells. I guess the colposcopy will tell me that. I don't know what kind of Tx I will get. Ahhhhhg! I called my insurance company, was assigned a PCP, Dr. Kevin Bloom. I didn't want a male doctor but the emale one was booked until April! I made an appointment for Friday, Today, at 2:00pm. I am a wreck. JJV has been so wonderful to me. He took my to a movie and rented movies Wednesday to keep our minds off of things. Thursday he took me to get my hair highlighted and low lighted and cut and straighted. We went went out to dinner and he has been just so extra lovey and attentive. We are scared. We both really want a future together and want to have children. We are pretty low on money right now. He assurs me that we are going to okay no matter what my health is. We haven't made love since before valentine's day (v-day I got the results of the abnormal pap). I feel to gross down there and the stress has made my libedo nose dive. He understands and admits that sex hasn't been on his ming because of the stress too. I still don't know when I am going to get the coloscopy done. I don't know how I am going to pay all of this. I want to curl up and wilt.

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Last Five:
empty, force, hope, too much - 07.31.2005
hello heartache, hello faith, hello confusion - 07.5.2005
LITANY AGAINST FEAR - 07.12.2005
healing, wonderful, the worse thing ever - 06.20.2005
translated weight - 06.02.2005