02.18.2005 | 3:58 p.m.
confirmation class, back hurts, J's friends, God

I had a good day at confirmation class. I felt sociable. This is a big difference compared to the last classes I attended, no one talked to me and I felt foolish for even trying to enter conversations.

We ended up not going to the gym. I hurt my back and am sore from wt the legs. The third day is the worse. It doesn’t help that it is that time of the month.

Right, I am really hating my body. My back is killing me, which is forcing me to think about my body. I feel huge am dreading the monthly weight in at the end of the month. I am trying not to think about the abnormal pap.

God! I have been really trying to restrict. I have been really trying to lose weight.

Today I had a cup of cry cereal and I think I am going to treat myself to a latte.

Hopeful we can go and workout before J’s friends from out of town get here. I don’t want them to see how fat I have gotten. I don’t want them to think badly of me. I don’t want them to look at J and feel bad that I have let myself go.

Stressss……things would be all better if I was back to 100 at the very least! (or most, I am really fantasizing about 95. God it would be awesome. The new clothes and air of confidence.

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Last Five:
empty, force, hope, too much - 07.31.2005
hello heartache, hello faith, hello confusion - 07.5.2005
LITANY AGAINST FEAR - 07.12.2005
healing, wonderful, the worse thing ever - 06.20.2005
translated weight - 06.02.2005