12.29.2003 | 1:37 p.m.
cutting back, still 100, can't see it, applications

Yesterday:

9:30am a slice of fruitcake and black coffee

did free weights and ran three miles

7:30pm a small bowl of oatmeal, a pear, once slice of low-fat wheat bread

10:30 one serving of 98% fat free kettle corn and a diet pepsi

Today:

1:00pm one low-fat bran muffin and black coffee

i am not sure what the day holds…

I weighed myself this morning. 100lbs. I have been really cutting back, and never mind that I have been working out all break! May be it is muscle weight that I am gaining while I am losing fat? I hope that is it. I am REALLY sick of this triple digit bullshit!

J is supposed to come home today. He didn’t call yesterday or today (yet), so i don’t know when. i guess i should get dressed and look my best for him now just incase…

i am nervous. i went out to “lunch” with B and he said that I have nothing to worry about. “I am sure you have a line of guys who would feel lucky to be with you.” He is sure? I am not. Why can’t i see what others see. Why do i think others see what i see?

Ok, i really need to work on those applications now.

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Last Five:
empty, force, hope, too much - 07.31.2005
hello heartache, hello faith, hello confusion - 07.5.2005
LITANY AGAINST FEAR - 07.12.2005
healing, wonderful, the worse thing ever - 06.20.2005
translated weight - 06.02.2005