12.21.2003 | 9:12 a.m.
8 more, tanning, OBCP, no money

It is has been six days since J left. Eight more days until he is back (the 29th). He hasn’t called. i have gone tanning twice because it has been a while. Now i have no more tans lefts on my package. i am getting my fingers and toes French manicured (free J). i am getting my hair foiled on Tuesday. i am thinking a rich mahogany brown with lighter and darker lights.

Yesterday:

11:00am…An orange, a low-fat bran muffin, 2 eggs (egg substitute)

& spaced out throughout the day….4 cookies (failure)

i wish i had more money so that i buy more x-mass gifts.

i want to get another tanning package ($20) and hair done ($70). Plus i still have one more niece to get something ($10), and my parents ($15). i need to mail x-mass cards ($20). Never mind that i need money to by food, coffee and such! What in the world am i going to get J? i am getting paid on the 24th. That is when i will buy J’s gift and my tanning package. i hate budgeting. This is a lot of money for a poor college student!

i like things neat, orderly, planned out perfectly, and predictable. Not having the money to get this all done, not knowing how or when this will fall through, J not calling, and not knowing when he will call is just adding to the stress.

i have always been this way, obsessive compulsive personality in all facets of my life. i guess am like this because for some reason it feels like i have more control but in the end i feel like it controls me. Kind a like my eating. Blah.

Maybe the next time i write, i’ll have better things to say.

On the up side i did get a new J Lo perfume.

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Last Five:
empty, force, hope, too much - 07.31.2005
hello heartache, hello faith, hello confusion - 07.5.2005
LITANY AGAINST FEAR - 07.12.2005
healing, wonderful, the worse thing ever - 06.20.2005
translated weight - 06.02.2005