12.17.2003 | 10:32 a.m.
12 more days, saved the day, star and moon pillow

Well, it is day one….12 more days until he comes home! I really hope that he get here sooner (I doubt but hope).

J left yesterday (I ate 5 cookies, a garden salad no dressing, two pieces of sourdough bread, a spoon of pb, a few cups of plain popcorn).

His ride to Montana ditched him, which makes me kind happy.

I’ve really tried to give his best female friend L and chance, she just hates me…and that just gives me an excuse not to like her.

So, she ditched him and I came as saved the day. Wahoo! :)

True I am so VERY bummed that he will gone until the 29th.

When I saw how sad he was, all packed, and no ride at 8am…drove him 3 hours to his halfway point in Spokane, where he was going to take the Greyhound.

It made me so happy to drive him….so…I spent 6+ hours in a car yesterday.

I just loved being there for him.

I told him, “Even though I don’t want you do go, I know how important it is for you. So, I want you to go.”

It was hard to say but he really appreciated hearing me say that.

He held my hand most of way and saying how he is going to worry about my safe drive home.

He called no less then a minute I walked into my apartment.

He lent me his sweater to wear when I go to bed and his childhood ‘moon and star’ pillow to snuggle with while he is gone. It really helped me sleep last night. God, I miss his most as night (he is there during very nightmare) and in the morning (gazing in each others eyes).

So far things are not too lonely, a have a few friends how are in town….but leaving Saturday. Saturday though next Saturday is going to be PAINFULLY lonely.

I know that this sounds bad but I hope to lose some weight and really restrict.

I just feel better when I am hungry and restricting and drinking tons of water.

I want that and it is going start right now (now that I have already had two cookies, blah!)

No one is around to tell me other wise.

I need to keep busy so that his momentary leave won’t be too bad.

I also want to show to him that I used my time well.

Oh, I just want to fall asleep in this arms tonight….

12 more days!

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Last Five:
empty, force, hope, too much - 07.31.2005
hello heartache, hello faith, hello confusion - 07.5.2005
LITANY AGAINST FEAR - 07.12.2005
healing, wonderful, the worse thing ever - 06.20.2005
translated weight - 06.02.2005