02.16.2003 | 3:34 p.m.
v-day, not thinking, chain, magicly die, pretty messed up.

Well, V-day E got me a lovely heartshaped white gold pendant with a diamond. It is beautiful. i need to get a short chain so that i can actually wear it.

i have been so stressed and not thinking right lately. i for got to pay my rent for two days...25 dollars for every day late. i am so mad at myself. i have to motivation for school. E thinks i am smothering him. how can i? i am gone at 7am and don't get home until 8 or 9pm. i guess i am leaning on him because i have no time for me. time with him makes me feel less guilty for not doing something school related. it is painful to even go to school. i don't want people to think i can't handel grad school. keep up the smiley face. down inside sometimes i wish i would magicly die so that i won't have these demands. this scares E, but i don't intend to. i am just under so much pressure.

i am up to 101 and i am so mad at that too. i think my body won't get under 100 no matter what i do or don't do. It seems as though, the less i weight the fatter i feel, the bigger my hips, the uglier my body looks to me. It is pretty messed up when you are happy to go to the bathroom and think...maybe that will show up as 1 or 2 lbs lost.

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Last Five:
empty, force, hope, too much - 07.31.2005
hello heartache, hello faith, hello confusion - 07.5.2005
LITANY AGAINST FEAR - 07.12.2005
healing, wonderful, the worse thing ever - 06.20.2005
translated weight - 06.02.2005