01.31.2003 | 7:52 p.m.
100 lbs and how love has matured

i am at 100lbs...we'll see how long that lasts. :-( E wants to have pasta for dinner. Today I had an apple and a l non-fat latte.

i love him so much. i am thinking about other relationships i have been in. The others were rotten with "can't live without him" "die without him" "he makes me feels good about myself" iI cannot imagine being with another" "he is my everything"

Looking back on those statements...i experienced hardcore immature love. Obsessional really. Those relationships were so intense that it was negative. i would not have admitted it then.

i really treasure the relationship i am in now. There is a level of mutual respect, honor, commitment that it is built on. i feel that this strong foundation is what makes the other emotions safe. The butterflies, the can’t wait to see him, the fuzzy feelings, the knowing that arguing is rare and ok. That arguing does not mean what it used to mean – “Oh, may God, what if he love me less!? What if this is a bad sign? What if he doesn’t want to be with me? What if he is questioning the relationship?” Maybe there a time, place and purpose of this thinking when i was younger…now i am not into the relationships (romantic or friendly) that build me and other person up rather than tears us down.

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Last Five:
empty, force, hope, too much - 07.31.2005
hello heartache, hello faith, hello confusion - 07.5.2005
LITANY AGAINST FEAR - 07.12.2005
healing, wonderful, the worse thing ever - 06.20.2005
translated weight - 06.02.2005